fire in the whole

Thanksgiving always has potential in my family to be like a movie. This year really was no different. But it's not movies anyone really wants to see.
Being the new me, I put off thinking about Thanksgiving until the day of....and by Thanksgiving in this sentence, we all know I mean Dad. I was nervous (to say the least) about seeing him. I barely said more than hello to him since Christmas 2009.
Day before Thanksgiving: Mom calls, "Will you please be cordial to your father?" Her stress is my stress. It's always been that way. A little less that way since adopting the New Me Life - but my thoughts envelope hers. I agree. I agree to do the best I can.
Thursday comes and like the last time I saw him in July, I feel oddly calm. numb. like I'm on zanex. an extreme awareness. don't get cornered. don't want to deal - yet. must stay strong.
Hello. Happy Thanksgiving.
Thank god for the distractions she sent!
Kitchen fire.
1st thought - what about the turkey?
Living room TV fire.
1st thought - where will we watch the Saints?
2nd thought - where is the sister? (oh, she checked on the turkey, then ran to the bathroom to compose herself - she knows what's coming).

His negativity grows and gets loud and uncomfortable as the Cowgirls score. I can hear him but I look forward.

Reminded me of the first time I got my mascara on my eyelashes just perfectly. a thanksgiving drive to Liz's house. Crab and corn bisque awaited me and my eyelashes. he ruined the day and i silently cried and cried in the back seat behind cheap sunglasses. black running down my face
the bisque is still waiting.

Honestly, who has two fires on Thanksgiving? Really the day as a whole was a fire. Each time I see him I feel as though he burns me and if and when i make it out, I rise from the ashes. each time a little more singed. scarred. sad. that's the part of the movies I walk out on. Not paying $9.50 to see that play out.